My daughter had her friend round to play and after she had gone I asked my daughter to tidy up the toys. It so happened that they had been playing in the guest bedroom, which I was not best pleased about. As usual, I told her tidy up the mess that she had made. I normally do not trust my daughter when she tells me that she had done whatever I had asked, be it tidying up, washing her hands or flushing the toilet!! On this particular occasion I had decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and entrusted her with the task in hand. I wanted to believe that for once she was able to do something properly and hoped that she would tidy her things away nicely.
Later that evening after bathing my youngest daughter I had a sneak peak to see how she had done. Most of the mess was gone but she left some of her tiny Zooble things lying around which her younger sister could easily choke on, now that she was at the age where she can crawl to wherever she wants and puts anything into her mouth.
As I proceeded down the stairs I called to my elder daughter to pick up the Zoobles. As usual she was reluctant to comply and another lecture ensued for a couple of minutes or so about keeping things in their proper places and the safety of her younger sister.
My daughter then proceeded into the guest bedroom to "tidy up". I was halfway up the staircase and remained there in order to check that she was doing was she was asked. Very soon afterwards she appeared at the top of the stairs exclaiming with delight that she had tidied her toys away. I told her that I did believe her and when she asked how I knew that, I told her that it was because the time taken for her to pick up her things and put them away was far too quick. Plus, I did not see or hear her go into her own room put her things back. The insolent child then retorted by saying that she did it quick as a flash so that was why I could not see her.
It was obvious that she had ignored my instructions and lied to my face. I am sick of tired of her constant disobedience and not doing what she had been told to do. By this time was at my wits' end and in order to prevent my temper from flaring even further I decided to get back downstairs to feed my youngest.
After I had put my younger daughter to bed I proceeded to the guest bedroom to retrieve the toys that had supposedly been tidied away. I knew that they were still in that room and saw that they had just been shoved underneath the bed next to the bedside table.
I went downstairs to confront my daughter and showed her what I had found. Because she had blatantly lied to me I angrily told her that I would throw these toys in the bin and that she would never see them again. And off I stormed into the kitchen, angrily throwing them against the inside of the bin. I could see that my daughter's face was dropping; she looked so sad and regretful. She went into the kitchen as I was leaving and I could see that she was going to try and get them back. I had really lost my temper at that point and shouted at her that if she dared to take them out of the bin she would live to regret it! I had made her jump and her hand quickly retracted from the opening of the bin and began to bawl her eyes out at daddy. For a change he supported me and he explained to her about how wrong it was for lying and that it is not tolerated in our house.
However, I am a softy at heart and knowing how expensive these toys were I was truly reluctant to just throw them away in a fit of rage. After my daughter had gone to bed and I had calmed down somewhat I went to retrieve the toys from the bin and kept them hidden away until such time that I felt she behaved well enough to earn them back.
Thursday, 25 October 2012
Wednesday, 11 July 2012
Am I the only parent that can't stand their own child?
It's not the first time that I have felt extreme "hatred" towards my own child. Many a time she has tried my patience to breaking point and she is still only 6 years old. Heaven knows what she'll be like when she reaches her teenage years - I'm psyching myself up for "completely unbearable".
Why is it that she makes me feel this way; is it simply because she just knows how to annoy me, or is it much deeper than that? I have analysed my feelings over many years, yes many years. I am sure that it stems right from her birth, which was not a pleasant one and one which I blamed her for "mutilating" me (I had an episiotomy which rendered me unable to walk properly for several weeks due to the stitches having been done up so tightly). It was also due to this unpleasant experience which put me right off being a dutiful wife in the bedroom department for well over a year and it was also this experience which put me right off having any further children. It took me about 3 years to even consider having another child.
Therefore it goes without saying that every little thing that she does puts me in a very foul mood. I have always experienced mild panic attacks at the mere thought of her waking up in the morning and every time she opens her mouth I begin to feel agitated, even if it the most meaningless question or a request for me to get something for her. Even the loveliest things she says finds a difficult route to melt the frostiness in my heart.
I have previously written about the trials she has presented me with at mealtimes and, increasingly the way she speaks to me is that of disrespect. She makes unreasonable demands on having treats which I do not give in to, and which in turn makes me even more angry with her that she thinks she has a given right to have treats, as if it is as normal and regular as eating for survival. Sure, you can say that she is simply a child, but I know of other children of a similar who know the full value of money and that it cannot be wasted willy-nilly.
I have always said to my husband that we shouldn't spend so much on her for her birthday and Christmas presents. There is absolutely no way that she could possibly play with everything. He ignores everything I say and proceeds to purchase practically everything that she might like anyway. For every birthday or Christmas she receives about 15 lots of presents just from "us" often valuing at least £100 in total. That is way too much to spend on a child of any age and yet when I express my concerns of this, all he says that just because I had a grim upbringing with very few presents I am being too tight fisted on our "darling" and that she "deserves" to have many more presents than and just one or two.
Every year and every occasion we have the same conversation and every year I get so fed up with talking to a brick wall that I let him pay for everything he decides to buy and let him make a rod for his own back. I have just about given up and am tired of repeating myself once too often.
When I calm back down again, I reflect further on her behaviour and thank God that at least she is generally a good girl. She doesn't know of any swear words, which some children of her age are pretty confident in using; nor does she run amok terrorising other children at school or our neighbours. In public she has a shy disposition and at school she is very well behaved. Often her teacher would praise her work and the effort she puts into her learning. She is clever and has many friends at school.
Unfortunately it is only at home that she can be extremely trying and sometimes awful to live with.
Perhaps I should be thankful for this "Jekyll and Hyde" child that I've got ...
Why is it that she makes me feel this way; is it simply because she just knows how to annoy me, or is it much deeper than that? I have analysed my feelings over many years, yes many years. I am sure that it stems right from her birth, which was not a pleasant one and one which I blamed her for "mutilating" me (I had an episiotomy which rendered me unable to walk properly for several weeks due to the stitches having been done up so tightly). It was also due to this unpleasant experience which put me right off being a dutiful wife in the bedroom department for well over a year and it was also this experience which put me right off having any further children. It took me about 3 years to even consider having another child.
Therefore it goes without saying that every little thing that she does puts me in a very foul mood. I have always experienced mild panic attacks at the mere thought of her waking up in the morning and every time she opens her mouth I begin to feel agitated, even if it the most meaningless question or a request for me to get something for her. Even the loveliest things she says finds a difficult route to melt the frostiness in my heart.
I have previously written about the trials she has presented me with at mealtimes and, increasingly the way she speaks to me is that of disrespect. She makes unreasonable demands on having treats which I do not give in to, and which in turn makes me even more angry with her that she thinks she has a given right to have treats, as if it is as normal and regular as eating for survival. Sure, you can say that she is simply a child, but I know of other children of a similar who know the full value of money and that it cannot be wasted willy-nilly.
I have always said to my husband that we shouldn't spend so much on her for her birthday and Christmas presents. There is absolutely no way that she could possibly play with everything. He ignores everything I say and proceeds to purchase practically everything that she might like anyway. For every birthday or Christmas she receives about 15 lots of presents just from "us" often valuing at least £100 in total. That is way too much to spend on a child of any age and yet when I express my concerns of this, all he says that just because I had a grim upbringing with very few presents I am being too tight fisted on our "darling" and that she "deserves" to have many more presents than and just one or two.
Every year and every occasion we have the same conversation and every year I get so fed up with talking to a brick wall that I let him pay for everything he decides to buy and let him make a rod for his own back. I have just about given up and am tired of repeating myself once too often.
When I calm back down again, I reflect further on her behaviour and thank God that at least she is generally a good girl. She doesn't know of any swear words, which some children of her age are pretty confident in using; nor does she run amok terrorising other children at school or our neighbours. In public she has a shy disposition and at school she is very well behaved. Often her teacher would praise her work and the effort she puts into her learning. She is clever and has many friends at school.
Unfortunately it is only at home that she can be extremely trying and sometimes awful to live with.
Perhaps I should be thankful for this "Jekyll and Hyde" child that I've got ...
Saturday, 9 June 2012
Was it such a disastrous holiday?
My husband would argue that the holiday was not too bad, it was just the weather that spoiled it for us. However, I would say that it was a rubbish holiday and I would rather stay at home next time!!
The caravan was cramped and when you have to stay in there for the majority of the holiday due to the constant rain, even a saint would lose their sanity!! Still, at least it was reasonably clean, which is a lot more than I can say for the last one we stayed in.
We paid extra to go a day early, which was just as well, because the day after our arrival was the only time worth spending on the beach. The rest of the holiday was so cold I had to wear two pairs of leggings and four layers of clothes, plus my dressing gown to keep warm!! (The dressing gown I wore whilst in the caravan, not outside if anyone was wondering!). Also I had not packed enough warm winter clothes, so virtually had to wear the same things for almost a week.
There was nothing worth doing for my baby girl but there were some activities that kept my eldest daughter entertained for a bit, unfortunately it all cost money and so she was very limited on how much she could do. My husband brought us on holiday fully expecting to spend the vast majority of the time playing on the beach and he was not prepared to fork out extra cash for other means of entertainment.
We managed to do some pottery painting two days in a row because the weather was so awful. We could only stretch to my daughter painting something for herself, and could not afford for me to paint anything. I was extremely bored but luckily my daughter allowed me to give her a helping hand. It is rather amusing to see how many parents were actually there painting a pot for themselves as well as finishing off what their kids have done!
Throughout the holiday I was as miserable as the weather and was very poor company, especially when inside the caravan. To top it all we forgot my vanity case packed full of my asthma and eczema medications and toiletries. I was not a happy bunny and we now have to pay the holiday park to post it back to us.
Already I am dreading next year when the holiday discussion crops up again - I do not want to stay in another caravan, I would rather be left at home with my own comforts. My husband can take the girls away himself if he really wants a holiday, and I can then relax and have some time to do my own things and not have to worry about everyone else - that would just be the best holiday ever! (Chances of that happening would be extremely remote , but I can still dream!)
The caravan was cramped and when you have to stay in there for the majority of the holiday due to the constant rain, even a saint would lose their sanity!! Still, at least it was reasonably clean, which is a lot more than I can say for the last one we stayed in.
We paid extra to go a day early, which was just as well, because the day after our arrival was the only time worth spending on the beach. The rest of the holiday was so cold I had to wear two pairs of leggings and four layers of clothes, plus my dressing gown to keep warm!! (The dressing gown I wore whilst in the caravan, not outside if anyone was wondering!). Also I had not packed enough warm winter clothes, so virtually had to wear the same things for almost a week.
There was nothing worth doing for my baby girl but there were some activities that kept my eldest daughter entertained for a bit, unfortunately it all cost money and so she was very limited on how much she could do. My husband brought us on holiday fully expecting to spend the vast majority of the time playing on the beach and he was not prepared to fork out extra cash for other means of entertainment.
We managed to do some pottery painting two days in a row because the weather was so awful. We could only stretch to my daughter painting something for herself, and could not afford for me to paint anything. I was extremely bored but luckily my daughter allowed me to give her a helping hand. It is rather amusing to see how many parents were actually there painting a pot for themselves as well as finishing off what their kids have done!
Throughout the holiday I was as miserable as the weather and was very poor company, especially when inside the caravan. To top it all we forgot my vanity case packed full of my asthma and eczema medications and toiletries. I was not a happy bunny and we now have to pay the holiday park to post it back to us.
Already I am dreading next year when the holiday discussion crops up again - I do not want to stay in another caravan, I would rather be left at home with my own comforts. My husband can take the girls away himself if he really wants a holiday, and I can then relax and have some time to do my own things and not have to worry about everyone else - that would just be the best holiday ever! (Chances of that happening would be extremely remote , but I can still dream!)
Thursday, 24 May 2012
Is she sneaky or brainy??
I had another dinner time war with my 6yr old daughter the other day but this time it wasn't over rice but pasta bolognaise, which is usually her favourite. However, on this occasion she was pushing her food around the plate and was not the slightest bit interested in eating any of it.
Earlier that day, a parcel had arrived in my husband's name and when he came home after work during the meal he announced that the package was actually for our daughter. With that, I quickly chipped in to say that she could only open it if she ate all of her dinner. She seemed happy enough to oblige.
I had finished my meal and had finished feeding our baby girl and took her into the living room to play. I left our 6yr at the dinner table hoping that the package would be enough incentive for her to finish her dinner.
A few minutes later she emerged saying that she had finished everything on her plate. However, she had a rather sad and sorry face on her and she said to me that she did not want to open her package anymore and that she wanted to leave until the next day.
Suspicions set in and I asked her why that was to which she responded "I just don't want to". Now that is very unlike her as she often opens everybody's else parcels/gifts quicker than lightening and I attempted to probe deeper to find out what it was that she had done. Finally, with a teary and shaky voice she said "I accidentally..." and stopped at that, following which, much tears and snivelling ensued.
I questioned her further, trying to think of various things that she may have done, but to everything I suggested she had said no. Eventually she said that she would only tell her dad, so he gently took her aside into another room and she told him. I tried to listen from where I was sitting and all I could get was "accidentally put the food in..." With that I knew exactly what she had done.
My husband brought the sorry little thing back in and she meekly confessed that she had put the rest of her dinner into the food recycling box and pretended that she had eaten all of her dinner.
Well, normally I would have been extremely angry but for some strange reason I was very clam on this occasion, possibly because she had admitted herself that she had done wrong. I told her that I was glad that she had chosen to tell the truth and by showing that she was sorry pretty much straight away just about made up for the wrong doing. Perhaps I should have punished her anyway but in the end we chose to let it go and allow her to open up her parcel.
My husband and I laughed about the incident after she had gone to bed and we couldn't decide whether she was a conniving little devil or that she had shown a certain level of intelligence. Either way we were glad that she could not keep it from us and knowing that what she did was wrong and then eventually admitting it, made us feel a little better in that she's not a bad enough person to do something wrong and pretend it's all OK.
Hopefully she won't be doing anything like that in the future ....
Suspicions set in and I asked her why that was to which she responded "I just don't want to". Now that is very unlike her as she often opens everybody's else parcels/gifts quicker than lightening and I attempted to probe deeper to find out what it was that she had done. Finally, with a teary and shaky voice she said "I accidentally..." and stopped at that, following which, much tears and snivelling ensued.
I questioned her further, trying to think of various things that she may have done, but to everything I suggested she had said no. Eventually she said that she would only tell her dad, so he gently took her aside into another room and she told him. I tried to listen from where I was sitting and all I could get was "accidentally put the food in..." With that I knew exactly what she had done.
My husband brought the sorry little thing back in and she meekly confessed that she had put the rest of her dinner into the food recycling box and pretended that she had eaten all of her dinner.
Well, normally I would have been extremely angry but for some strange reason I was very clam on this occasion, possibly because she had admitted herself that she had done wrong. I told her that I was glad that she had chosen to tell the truth and by showing that she was sorry pretty much straight away just about made up for the wrong doing. Perhaps I should have punished her anyway but in the end we chose to let it go and allow her to open up her parcel.
My husband and I laughed about the incident after she had gone to bed and we couldn't decide whether she was a conniving little devil or that she had shown a certain level of intelligence. Either way we were glad that she could not keep it from us and knowing that what she did was wrong and then eventually admitting it, made us feel a little better in that she's not a bad enough person to do something wrong and pretend it's all OK.
Hopefully she won't be doing anything like that in the future ....
Monday, 30 April 2012
Sleeping through the night - don't make me laugh!!
My baby girl is now 9mths old and has not slept through the night since the day she was born. She'd always been a light sleeper; even in hospital overnight when all the other babies on the ward slept through everything that was going on, my little precious would wake at the slightest sound that was made. Every time the midwife came to check on the mums and babies she would wake, every time someone spoke she would wake and every time a mum came into the ward with her new baby, my little bundle of joy would wake. I therefore spent all night following her birth walking her around the ward and chatting to the midwives on reception. Unfortunately, I have never had more than 2hrs sleep at a time since then.
When, I wonder, can I have a good night's sleep? Not any time soon by the looks of things.
My husband is reluctant to try any kind of controlled crying techniques as he has to get up at the crack of dawn to get to work so he wants a good night's sleep without listening to all the crying. Therefore, it is down to mummy to go sort the baby out when she cries in the night.
Some nights have been particularly bad, and conscious of what the health visitors have said about not fussing over crying babies, not picking them up or taking them downstairs, I've opted to climb into the cot bed and sleep with my little baby! It certainly helped to settle her and so far I've only done it twice in two months, usually when she is feeling particularly poorly.
How different my two girls are, the older one always slept well and had her first 5hr stint at around the 5mth stage. Since then we've left her to cry herself to sleep (which thankfully didn't last long) and she quickly got the message that mummy and daddy aren't going to get her and has always managed to settle herself at night.
Unfortunately by little baby has not granted me such a luxury but I'm still hoping that as she gets older she will be able to sleep better and let me do the same!!
When, I wonder, can I have a good night's sleep? Not any time soon by the looks of things.
My husband is reluctant to try any kind of controlled crying techniques as he has to get up at the crack of dawn to get to work so he wants a good night's sleep without listening to all the crying. Therefore, it is down to mummy to go sort the baby out when she cries in the night.
Some nights have been particularly bad, and conscious of what the health visitors have said about not fussing over crying babies, not picking them up or taking them downstairs, I've opted to climb into the cot bed and sleep with my little baby! It certainly helped to settle her and so far I've only done it twice in two months, usually when she is feeling particularly poorly.
How different my two girls are, the older one always slept well and had her first 5hr stint at around the 5mth stage. Since then we've left her to cry herself to sleep (which thankfully didn't last long) and she quickly got the message that mummy and daddy aren't going to get her and has always managed to settle herself at night.
Unfortunately by little baby has not granted me such a luxury but I'm still hoping that as she gets older she will be able to sleep better and let me do the same!!
Tuesday, 3 April 2012
The dreaded school holiday
Now that the Easter school holiday has well and truly begun I am already stressed beyond sanity. My torment started earlier than most mums because the last day of term was an inset/teacher training day, so when all the other schools were still open, my daughter's was closed for the day. Luckily on that day she just chilled and had a pyjama day and didn't do a lot. Then it was the weekend and my husband was at home. However, he may as well not have been because he was so busy getting on with a lot of his own things that he hardly spent any time with our little girl, who by Sunday was getting so fed up with not being able to spend any time with him that she was falling into one of her stroppy moods.
There are only so many times that a young child can play Monopoly and various other board games before losing interest, and so many times that we can draw, colour in pictures and make things. The weather is too rubbish to go to the park where all the equipment are soaking wet and the air is so cold. Coupled with a screaming baby that won't sleep day or night and you have a mummy that's turned into a walking zombie!!
I'm all for short school holidays; at least for those who are working, trying to find childcare for such extended periods of time won't be such a monstrous task. That is what I'm dreading when I return to work after my maternity leave, having to find childcare for both children during the school holidays, especially the 6week summer holiday will leave me at a loss - it will take up more than my monthly salary. Is it really worth returning to work just for the sake of it?
Anyway, now the Easter Bank Holiday is coming up this weekend, we are all taking a trip to visit my mum and dad, which I am dreading because it means taking everything but the kitchen sink to accommodate our baby girl. Also, because she doesn't sleep well most of the time, my mother is sure to moan about her own lack of sleep whilst we're there. She's good at that, moaning and complaining about almost everything. She doesn't make allowances that our baby is still a baby (albeit almost a 9month old one) and that we are always the ones making the effort to visit her, she never comes to stay with us.
Hopefully over the weekend we will also be able to visit my cousin and her family who my daughter always enjoys playing with. And my husband has taken a couple of days off which are tagged on the end of the Bank Holiday, so hopefully once we're back home, he will be able to spend some time with the eldest. However, I don't hold out much hope because he spends more time getting on with his own jobs than spending time with her or any of us really.
I hope these two weeks go quickly so that we can get back into the school routine and I can be less stressed....
There are only so many times that a young child can play Monopoly and various other board games before losing interest, and so many times that we can draw, colour in pictures and make things. The weather is too rubbish to go to the park where all the equipment are soaking wet and the air is so cold. Coupled with a screaming baby that won't sleep day or night and you have a mummy that's turned into a walking zombie!!
I'm all for short school holidays; at least for those who are working, trying to find childcare for such extended periods of time won't be such a monstrous task. That is what I'm dreading when I return to work after my maternity leave, having to find childcare for both children during the school holidays, especially the 6week summer holiday will leave me at a loss - it will take up more than my monthly salary. Is it really worth returning to work just for the sake of it?
Anyway, now the Easter Bank Holiday is coming up this weekend, we are all taking a trip to visit my mum and dad, which I am dreading because it means taking everything but the kitchen sink to accommodate our baby girl. Also, because she doesn't sleep well most of the time, my mother is sure to moan about her own lack of sleep whilst we're there. She's good at that, moaning and complaining about almost everything. She doesn't make allowances that our baby is still a baby (albeit almost a 9month old one) and that we are always the ones making the effort to visit her, she never comes to stay with us.
Hopefully over the weekend we will also be able to visit my cousin and her family who my daughter always enjoys playing with. And my husband has taken a couple of days off which are tagged on the end of the Bank Holiday, so hopefully once we're back home, he will be able to spend some time with the eldest. However, I don't hold out much hope because he spends more time getting on with his own jobs than spending time with her or any of us really.
I hope these two weeks go quickly so that we can get back into the school routine and I can be less stressed....
Child of the week
Last Friday I found a sealed letter from school addressed to me. I knew what it was about because other mothers had the same letter in previous weeks and I also knew that I wasn't supposed to tell my daughter what it was about, it was meant to be a surprise.
As I had thought, the letter stated that my daughter had been chosen to be child of the week and that she would get her certificate during morning worship the following Monday morning. I was very excited because at every parent's evening the teacher always said that my daughter was such a hard worker, eager to please and is progressing extremely well. I always wondered when she would be child of the week; she must do something exceptional to receive such an award. And now that she had been chosen, I kept wondering what it is that she had done so well; did she read an entire book without needing any prompts, did she do something really well in her maths class, or was really polite and used her manners, or did she help her little friends in some way when they were upset or struggling with their work. I couldn't wait to find out and had to stop myself from mentioning it to her.
Morning worship began on the Monday morning and when my daughter was mentioned as child of the week, her teacher commented that she was chosen to get this award because she did so well in her numeracy, especially adding up 2 digit numbers - I didn't even know she could do that. Her teacher also said that she added the numbers up so quickly that she couldn't believe her eyes.
It was a lovely service and each class had a chosen someone to be child of the week. Then there were other little certificates to hand out for those children who had earned their next lot of smiley faces for doing good work. Others also got special mentions and stickers for 100% attendance for the school term. My daughter got mentioned for both these things as well.
Mummy is so proud that my girl is doing so well at school!
As I had thought, the letter stated that my daughter had been chosen to be child of the week and that she would get her certificate during morning worship the following Monday morning. I was very excited because at every parent's evening the teacher always said that my daughter was such a hard worker, eager to please and is progressing extremely well. I always wondered when she would be child of the week; she must do something exceptional to receive such an award. And now that she had been chosen, I kept wondering what it is that she had done so well; did she read an entire book without needing any prompts, did she do something really well in her maths class, or was really polite and used her manners, or did she help her little friends in some way when they were upset or struggling with their work. I couldn't wait to find out and had to stop myself from mentioning it to her.
Morning worship began on the Monday morning and when my daughter was mentioned as child of the week, her teacher commented that she was chosen to get this award because she did so well in her numeracy, especially adding up 2 digit numbers - I didn't even know she could do that. Her teacher also said that she added the numbers up so quickly that she couldn't believe her eyes.
It was a lovely service and each class had a chosen someone to be child of the week. Then there were other little certificates to hand out for those children who had earned their next lot of smiley faces for doing good work. Others also got special mentions and stickers for 100% attendance for the school term. My daughter got mentioned for both these things as well.
Mummy is so proud that my girl is doing so well at school!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)