Wednesday, 14 August 2013

Help! I've bred a liar and cheat!!

I have always hoped that my husband and I would be good parents, teaching our children good manners and good behaviour.  But it appears that our efforts have been in vain as our first born has become increasingly trying in both her attitude towards us and her general behaviour.

I have always instilled in her the respect that she must show towards her peers and her elders and that she must always behave in the proper manner within the laws of our household and the law of the country.

Unfortunately she has taken to lying recently and I am not a happy mummy! Fortunately I know when she is lying because she cannot lie to save her life (similarly she cannot keep quiet or stay still if her life depended on it).  There are certain tell-tale/giveaway signs that she displays when lying, primarily the cheesy grin.  However, sometimes she does manage to hide this and I know when she is lying when she can't look me straight in the eyes during a confrontation.

A few days ago, in the evening, she was eating some fruit crumble with chocolate ice-cream which she chose to eat on the floor in front of the television.  I saw her reach for a tissue and then proceed to wipe the floor.  I did not take much notice because I was busy with other things at the time and never thought any more of it.  The next morning I saw two dark brown patches in the floor and imprints of rings on the carpet which were from the bottom of the bowl she was using the night before.  I therefore asked her is she had spilt ice-cream there when she was eating the fruit crumble.  She flatly denied it and proceeded to blame her 2yr old sister, who was actually in bed when the incident occurred, nor had she been sitting in that spot that morning to make the marks, and more significantly, she had not been eating chocolate ice-cream or anything remotely brown that morning!  Still my elder daughter flatly denied it was her.

Then later that day my husband had left some money on the kitchen counter for me, some of which was loose change.  My elder daughter had spotted the money and proceeded to count them.  Always thinking the worst of her, I had a guess at what she might be doing but hoped that I was wrong.  She then left the kitchen to use the toilet.  I saw her come out and could tell that she was hiding something in her hand.  I told her straight that she had taken money from the kitchen and to put it back.  She denied it with a grin on her face, skipped past me and went to the living room to carry on watching television.

At that point I was so mad and exasperated that she could even dare to lie to me, and twice in one day, and steal from me as well!  I got the garden cane I kept in the kitchen and marched up to her threatening to use it harshly on her of she did not return the money.  With a sorry look on her face she raced back into the kitchen to return the money.

How is it that she she could even contemplate doing such evil in the first place.  What have I done wrong to deserve a child like this?  She thought it was funny but I saw it as a serious misdemeanor, because if she can dare to do such naughty things at such a young age I dread to think what she might dare to do when she's older!  I do not want a criminal on my hands to deal with in the future and hope that it is a passing phase that she will grow out of.

Sometimes I do wish I never had her in the first place and hate her with such a passion I cannot even bring myself to give her a kiss and a cuddle.  One of my faults is that I cannot forgive easily and always remember the wrongs that have been done to me.  Unfortunately my daughter has lied to me and misbehaved so many times that I find it hard to believe that she can even be good for a second.  I must have done something very bad in my previous life to suffer under my child in this!

Friday, 8 March 2013

Whatever happened to traditional ways of discipline!

My husband often accuses me of living in the Victorian era and it is true that when bringing up children I do have a rather traditional mindset.  However, I do not adopt many of those archaic practices myself, no matter how much I would love to!

Many a time I have wished that I could leave my child screaming her head off at the bottom of the garden when she decides to throw a tantrum, leaving her to her own devices until she comes to her senses and realises that she is at fault.  But I do not for fear of being accused of neglect.  Instead, I send her to her room where she wails to her heart's content and subjects the entire house to her incessant screaming.  If walls truly did have ears, then I'm sure the entire structure of the house would crumble at the sound of her voice when throws herself into a fit.

Upon receiving insolent remarks from the mouth of such a small child I would have loved to have swatted her across the face to show her who's boss, but I do not because violence breeds violence.  I do not condone regular abusive behaviour but when a child constantly disrepects their elders and speaks down to those who take care of them as if they are of even less worth than a slave then drastic action needs to be taken to let that child know who is in charge.

Many times my daughter has displayed the "princess syndrome".  She speaks to her parents as if she is entitled to everything she asks for.  Even when she asks for something, the way she expresses herself is more of a demand than a request.  The tone of her voice suggests that she believes that we, as her parents are her subjects that must do her every bidding.

I am fed up with this and partly blame myself for not being strong enough to stand up to my husband and discipline her in the way that I thought fit from the beginning.  He always believed that was I too strict, constantly telling her off for doing things that she should not be doing.  "Kids are kids, that's what they do" he would say.  Yes, that's what they do, they do things they shouldn't be doing and should be told as such.  That is how they learn right from wrong.  To let them get on with it is just telling them that it is OK to do what they should not be doing.

In the end, I got fed up with him telling me how to bring her up, I told him that he wants the softly softly approach then he would live to regret it.  And now that she is 7 she is everything I do not want in a daughter - disrespectful, insolent, bad mannered, argumentative and downright rude, to point that, once again, I have been thinking of killing myself just to get away from her!!!

As a small child, my mother often beat me and my brother with a stick and for reasons that I did not fully understand.  I never believed that I was truly naughty in the way that some some children. and indeed my daughter, are now.  Back then, something said the wrong way or in the wrong tone resulted in a smack.  This taught me to respect my parents and if I did not want my bare behind to be beaten by that stick again then I would have to speak and behave in such a way so that I would never see that thing again!

At school children were reprimanded by being made to stand in the corner so the entire class would look at them and know that they had done wrong.  When you were being told off, the teacher ensured that whole class could hear.  You were made an example of and that does not happen anymore.

Unfortunately, modern methods of discipline does not work with my child and certainly reasoning has no effect because at such a young age a child really does not, or pretend they do not, understand what is being said to them.  Reasoning falls on deaf ears and she would behave much better if we took a much harsher approach.

Quite often, I have often looked up to heaven and thought why is my child so awful, wishing that I could discipline her in the same way that my mum had disciplined me.  My child needs strict discipline and that way she would respect authority much more.

Then I get to school and look at all the other children in the playground and think thank goodness she is not as bad as any of those!!

Thursday, 25 October 2012

Mummy Loses it Again!!!

My daughter had her friend round to play and after she had gone I asked my daughter to tidy up the toys.  It so happened that they had been playing in the guest bedroom, which I was not best pleased about.  As usual, I told her tidy up the mess that she had made.  I normally do not trust my daughter when she tells me that she had done whatever I had asked, be it tidying up, washing her hands or flushing the toilet!!  On this particular occasion I had decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and entrusted her with the task in hand.  I wanted to believe that for once she was able to do something properly and hoped that she would tidy her things away nicely.

Later that evening after bathing my youngest daughter I had a sneak peak to see how she had done.  Most of the mess was gone but she left some of her tiny Zooble things lying around which her younger sister could easily choke on, now that she was at the age where she can crawl to wherever she wants and puts anything into her mouth.

As I proceeded down the stairs I called to my elder daughter to pick up the Zoobles.  As usual she was reluctant to comply and another lecture ensued for a couple of minutes or so about keeping things in their proper places and the safety of her younger sister.

My daughter then proceeded into the guest bedroom to "tidy up".  I was halfway up the staircase and remained there in order to check that she was doing was she was asked.  Very soon afterwards she appeared at the top of the stairs exclaiming with delight that she had tidied her toys away.  I told her that I did believe her and when she asked how I knew that, I told her that it was because the time taken for her to pick up her things and put them away was far too quick.  Plus, I did not see or hear her go into her own room put her things back.  The insolent child then retorted by saying that she did it quick as a flash so that was why I could not see her.

It was obvious that she had ignored my instructions and lied to my face.  I am sick of tired of her constant disobedience and not doing what she had been told to do.  By this time was at my wits' end and in order to prevent my temper from flaring even further I decided to get back downstairs to feed my youngest.

After I had put my younger daughter to bed I proceeded to the guest bedroom to retrieve the toys that had supposedly been tidied away.  I knew that they were still in that room and saw that they had just been shoved underneath the bed next to the bedside table.

I went downstairs to confront my daughter and showed her what I had found.  Because she had blatantly lied to me I angrily told her that I would throw these toys in the bin and that she would never see them again.  And off I stormed into the kitchen, angrily throwing them against the inside of the bin.  I could see that my daughter's face was dropping; she looked so sad and regretful.  She went into the kitchen as I was leaving and I could see that she was going to try and get them back.  I had really lost my temper at that point and  shouted at her that if she dared to take them out of the bin she would live to regret it!  I had made her jump and her hand quickly retracted from the opening of the bin and began to bawl her eyes out at daddy.  For a change he supported me and he explained to her about how wrong it was for lying and that it is not tolerated in our house.

However, I am a softy at heart and knowing how expensive these toys were I was truly reluctant to just throw them away in a fit of rage.  After my daughter had gone to bed and I had calmed down somewhat I went to retrieve the toys from the bin and kept them hidden away until such time that I felt she behaved well enough to earn them back.

Wednesday, 11 July 2012

Am I the only parent that can't stand their own child?

It's not the first time that I have felt extreme "hatred" towards my own child.  Many a time she has tried my patience to breaking point and she is still only 6 years old.  Heaven knows what she'll be like when she reaches her teenage years - I'm psyching myself up for "completely unbearable".

Why is it that she makes me feel this way; is it simply because she just knows how to annoy me, or is it much deeper than that?  I have analysed my feelings over many years, yes many years.  I am sure that it stems right from her birth, which was not a pleasant one and one which I blamed her for "mutilating" me (I had an episiotomy which rendered me unable to walk properly for several weeks due to the stitches having been done up so tightly).  It was also due to this unpleasant experience which put me right off being a dutiful wife in the bedroom department for well over a year and it was also this experience which put me right off having any further children.  It took me about 3 years to even consider having another child.

Therefore it goes without saying that every little thing that she does puts me in a very foul mood.  I have always experienced mild panic attacks at the mere thought of her waking up in the morning and every time she opens her mouth I begin to feel agitated, even if it the most meaningless question or a request for me to get something for her.  Even the loveliest things she says finds a difficult route to melt the frostiness in my heart.

I have previously written about the trials she has presented me with at mealtimes and, increasingly the way she speaks to me is that of disrespect.  She makes unreasonable demands on having treats which I do not give in to, and which in turn makes me even more angry with her that she thinks she has a given right to have treats, as if it is as normal and regular as eating for survival.  Sure, you can say that she is simply a child, but I know of other children of a similar who know the full value of money and that it cannot be wasted willy-nilly.

I have always said to my husband that we shouldn't spend so much on her for her birthday and Christmas presents.  There is absolutely no way that she could possibly play with everything.  He ignores everything I say and proceeds to purchase practically everything that she might like anyway.  For every birthday or Christmas she receives about 15 lots of presents just from "us" often valuing at least £100 in total.  That is way too much to spend on a child of any age and yet when I express my concerns of this, all he says that just because I had a grim upbringing with very few presents I am being too tight fisted on our "darling" and that she "deserves" to have many more presents than and just one or two.

Every year and every occasion we have the same conversation and every year I get so fed up with talking to a brick wall that I let him pay for everything he decides to buy and let him make a rod for his own back.  I have just about given up and am tired of repeating myself once too often.

When I calm back down again, I reflect further on her behaviour and thank God that at least she is generally a good girl. She doesn't know of any swear words, which some children of her age are pretty confident in using; nor does she run amok terrorising other children at school or our neighbours.  In public she has a shy disposition and at school she is very well behaved.  Often her teacher would praise her work and the effort she puts into her learning.  She is clever and has many friends at school.

Unfortunately it is only at home that she can be extremely trying and sometimes awful to live with.

Perhaps I should be thankful for this "Jekyll and Hyde" child that I've got ...

Saturday, 9 June 2012

Was it such a disastrous holiday?

My husband would argue that the holiday was not too bad, it was just the weather that spoiled it for us.  However, I would say that it was a rubbish holiday and I would rather stay at home next time!!

The caravan was cramped and when you have to stay in there for the majority of the holiday due to the constant rain, even a saint would lose their sanity!!  Still, at least it was reasonably clean, which is a lot more than I can say for the last one we stayed in.

We paid extra to go a day early, which was just as well, because the day after our arrival was the only time worth spending on the beach.  The rest of the holiday was so cold I had to wear two pairs of leggings and four layers of clothes, plus my dressing gown to keep warm!! (The dressing gown I wore whilst in the caravan, not outside if anyone was wondering!).  Also I had not packed enough warm winter clothes, so virtually had to wear the same things for almost a week.

There was nothing worth doing for my baby girl but there were some activities that kept my eldest daughter entertained for a bit, unfortunately it all cost money and so she was very limited on how much she could do.  My husband brought us on holiday fully expecting to spend the vast majority of the time playing on the beach and he was not prepared to fork out extra cash for other means of entertainment.

We managed to do some pottery painting two days in a row because the weather was so awful.  We could only stretch to my daughter painting something for herself, and could not afford for me to paint anything.  I was extremely bored but luckily my daughter allowed me to give her a helping hand.  It is rather amusing to see how many parents were actually there painting a pot for themselves as well as finishing off what their kids have done!

Throughout the holiday I was as miserable as the weather and was very poor company, especially when inside the caravan.  To top it all we forgot my vanity case packed full of my asthma and eczema medications and toiletries.  I was not a happy bunny and we now have to pay the holiday park to post it back to us.

Already I am dreading next year when the holiday discussion crops up again - I do not want to stay in another caravan, I would rather be left at home with my own comforts.  My husband can take the girls away himself if he really wants a holiday, and I can then relax and have some time to do my own things and not have to worry about everyone else - that would just be the best holiday ever! (Chances of that happening would be extremely remote , but I can still dream!)

Thursday, 24 May 2012

Is she sneaky or brainy??

I had another dinner time war with my 6yr old daughter the other day but this time it wasn't over rice but pasta bolognaise, which is usually her favourite.  However, on this occasion she was pushing her food around the plate and was not the slightest bit interested in eating any of it.

Earlier that day, a parcel had arrived in my husband's name and when he came home after work during the meal he announced that the package was actually for our daughter.  With that, I quickly chipped in to say that she could only open it if she ate all of her dinner.  She seemed happy enough to oblige.

I had finished my meal and had finished feeding our baby girl and took her into the living room to play.  I left our 6yr at the dinner table hoping that the package would be enough incentive for her to finish her dinner.

A few minutes later she emerged saying that she had finished everything on her plate.  However, she had a rather sad and sorry face on her and she said to me that she did not want to open her package anymore and that she wanted to leave until the next day.

Suspicions set in and I asked her why that was to which she responded "I just don't want to".  Now that is very unlike her as she often opens everybody's else parcels/gifts quicker than lightening and I attempted to probe deeper to find out what it was that she had done.  Finally, with a teary and shaky voice she said "I accidentally..." and stopped at that, following which, much tears and snivelling ensued.

I questioned her further, trying to think of various things that she may have done, but to everything I suggested she had said no.  Eventually she said that she would only tell her dad, so he gently took her aside into another room and she told him.  I tried to listen from where I was sitting and all I could get was "accidentally put the food in..."  With that I knew exactly what she had done.

My husband brought the sorry little thing back in and she meekly confessed that she had put the rest of her dinner into the food recycling box and pretended that she had eaten all of her dinner.

Well, normally I would have been extremely angry but for some strange reason I was very  clam on this occasion, possibly because she had admitted herself that she had done wrong.  I told her that I was glad that she had chosen to tell the truth and by showing that she was sorry pretty much straight away just about made up for the wrong doing.  Perhaps I should have punished her anyway but in the end we chose to let it go and allow her to open up her parcel.

My husband and I laughed about the incident after she had gone to bed and we couldn't decide whether she was a conniving little devil or that she had shown a certain level of intelligence.  Either way we were glad that she could not keep it from us and knowing that what she did was wrong and then eventually admitting it, made us feel a little better in that she's not a bad enough person to do something wrong and pretend it's all OK.

Hopefully she won't be doing anything like that in the future ....

Monday, 30 April 2012

Sleeping through the night - don't make me laugh!!

My baby girl is now 9mths old and has not slept through the night since the day she was born.  She'd always been a light sleeper; even in hospital overnight when all the other babies on the ward slept through everything that was going on, my little precious would wake at the slightest sound that was made.  Every time the midwife came to check on the mums and babies she would wake, every time someone spoke she would wake and every time a mum came into the ward with her new baby, my little bundle of joy would wake.  I therefore spent all night following her birth walking her around the ward and chatting to the midwives on reception.  Unfortunately, I have never had more than 2hrs sleep at a time since then.

When, I wonder, can I have a good night's sleep?  Not any time soon by the looks of things.

My husband is reluctant to try any kind of controlled crying techniques as he has to get up at the crack of dawn to get to work so he wants a good night's sleep without listening to all the crying.  Therefore, it is down to mummy to go sort the baby out when she cries in the night.

Some nights have been particularly bad, and conscious of what the health visitors have said about not fussing over crying babies, not picking them up or taking them downstairs, I've opted to climb into the cot bed and sleep with my little baby!  It certainly helped to settle her and so far I've only done it twice in two months, usually when she is feeling particularly poorly.

How different my two girls are, the older one always slept well and had her first 5hr stint at around the 5mth stage.  Since then we've left her to cry herself to sleep (which thankfully didn't last long) and she quickly got the message that mummy and daddy aren't going to get her and has always managed to settle herself at night.

Unfortunately by little baby has not granted me such a luxury but I'm still hoping that as she gets older she will be able to sleep better and let me do the same!!