Wednesday, 14 August 2013

Help! I've bred a liar and cheat!!

I have always hoped that my husband and I would be good parents, teaching our children good manners and good behaviour.  But it appears that our efforts have been in vain as our first born has become increasingly trying in both her attitude towards us and her general behaviour.

I have always instilled in her the respect that she must show towards her peers and her elders and that she must always behave in the proper manner within the laws of our household and the law of the country.

Unfortunately she has taken to lying recently and I am not a happy mummy! Fortunately I know when she is lying because she cannot lie to save her life (similarly she cannot keep quiet or stay still if her life depended on it).  There are certain tell-tale/giveaway signs that she displays when lying, primarily the cheesy grin.  However, sometimes she does manage to hide this and I know when she is lying when she can't look me straight in the eyes during a confrontation.

A few days ago, in the evening, she was eating some fruit crumble with chocolate ice-cream which she chose to eat on the floor in front of the television.  I saw her reach for a tissue and then proceed to wipe the floor.  I did not take much notice because I was busy with other things at the time and never thought any more of it.  The next morning I saw two dark brown patches in the floor and imprints of rings on the carpet which were from the bottom of the bowl she was using the night before.  I therefore asked her is she had spilt ice-cream there when she was eating the fruit crumble.  She flatly denied it and proceeded to blame her 2yr old sister, who was actually in bed when the incident occurred, nor had she been sitting in that spot that morning to make the marks, and more significantly, she had not been eating chocolate ice-cream or anything remotely brown that morning!  Still my elder daughter flatly denied it was her.

Then later that day my husband had left some money on the kitchen counter for me, some of which was loose change.  My elder daughter had spotted the money and proceeded to count them.  Always thinking the worst of her, I had a guess at what she might be doing but hoped that I was wrong.  She then left the kitchen to use the toilet.  I saw her come out and could tell that she was hiding something in her hand.  I told her straight that she had taken money from the kitchen and to put it back.  She denied it with a grin on her face, skipped past me and went to the living room to carry on watching television.

At that point I was so mad and exasperated that she could even dare to lie to me, and twice in one day, and steal from me as well!  I got the garden cane I kept in the kitchen and marched up to her threatening to use it harshly on her of she did not return the money.  With a sorry look on her face she raced back into the kitchen to return the money.

How is it that she she could even contemplate doing such evil in the first place.  What have I done wrong to deserve a child like this?  She thought it was funny but I saw it as a serious misdemeanor, because if she can dare to do such naughty things at such a young age I dread to think what she might dare to do when she's older!  I do not want a criminal on my hands to deal with in the future and hope that it is a passing phase that she will grow out of.

Sometimes I do wish I never had her in the first place and hate her with such a passion I cannot even bring myself to give her a kiss and a cuddle.  One of my faults is that I cannot forgive easily and always remember the wrongs that have been done to me.  Unfortunately my daughter has lied to me and misbehaved so many times that I find it hard to believe that she can even be good for a second.  I must have done something very bad in my previous life to suffer under my child in this!

Friday, 8 March 2013

Whatever happened to traditional ways of discipline!

My husband often accuses me of living in the Victorian era and it is true that when bringing up children I do have a rather traditional mindset.  However, I do not adopt many of those archaic practices myself, no matter how much I would love to!

Many a time I have wished that I could leave my child screaming her head off at the bottom of the garden when she decides to throw a tantrum, leaving her to her own devices until she comes to her senses and realises that she is at fault.  But I do not for fear of being accused of neglect.  Instead, I send her to her room where she wails to her heart's content and subjects the entire house to her incessant screaming.  If walls truly did have ears, then I'm sure the entire structure of the house would crumble at the sound of her voice when throws herself into a fit.

Upon receiving insolent remarks from the mouth of such a small child I would have loved to have swatted her across the face to show her who's boss, but I do not because violence breeds violence.  I do not condone regular abusive behaviour but when a child constantly disrepects their elders and speaks down to those who take care of them as if they are of even less worth than a slave then drastic action needs to be taken to let that child know who is in charge.

Many times my daughter has displayed the "princess syndrome".  She speaks to her parents as if she is entitled to everything she asks for.  Even when she asks for something, the way she expresses herself is more of a demand than a request.  The tone of her voice suggests that she believes that we, as her parents are her subjects that must do her every bidding.

I am fed up with this and partly blame myself for not being strong enough to stand up to my husband and discipline her in the way that I thought fit from the beginning.  He always believed that was I too strict, constantly telling her off for doing things that she should not be doing.  "Kids are kids, that's what they do" he would say.  Yes, that's what they do, they do things they shouldn't be doing and should be told as such.  That is how they learn right from wrong.  To let them get on with it is just telling them that it is OK to do what they should not be doing.

In the end, I got fed up with him telling me how to bring her up, I told him that he wants the softly softly approach then he would live to regret it.  And now that she is 7 she is everything I do not want in a daughter - disrespectful, insolent, bad mannered, argumentative and downright rude, to point that, once again, I have been thinking of killing myself just to get away from her!!!

As a small child, my mother often beat me and my brother with a stick and for reasons that I did not fully understand.  I never believed that I was truly naughty in the way that some some children. and indeed my daughter, are now.  Back then, something said the wrong way or in the wrong tone resulted in a smack.  This taught me to respect my parents and if I did not want my bare behind to be beaten by that stick again then I would have to speak and behave in such a way so that I would never see that thing again!

At school children were reprimanded by being made to stand in the corner so the entire class would look at them and know that they had done wrong.  When you were being told off, the teacher ensured that whole class could hear.  You were made an example of and that does not happen anymore.

Unfortunately, modern methods of discipline does not work with my child and certainly reasoning has no effect because at such a young age a child really does not, or pretend they do not, understand what is being said to them.  Reasoning falls on deaf ears and she would behave much better if we took a much harsher approach.

Quite often, I have often looked up to heaven and thought why is my child so awful, wishing that I could discipline her in the same way that my mum had disciplined me.  My child needs strict discipline and that way she would respect authority much more.

Then I get to school and look at all the other children in the playground and think thank goodness she is not as bad as any of those!!