Wednesday, 11 July 2012

Am I the only parent that can't stand their own child?

It's not the first time that I have felt extreme "hatred" towards my own child.  Many a time she has tried my patience to breaking point and she is still only 6 years old.  Heaven knows what she'll be like when she reaches her teenage years - I'm psyching myself up for "completely unbearable".

Why is it that she makes me feel this way; is it simply because she just knows how to annoy me, or is it much deeper than that?  I have analysed my feelings over many years, yes many years.  I am sure that it stems right from her birth, which was not a pleasant one and one which I blamed her for "mutilating" me (I had an episiotomy which rendered me unable to walk properly for several weeks due to the stitches having been done up so tightly).  It was also due to this unpleasant experience which put me right off being a dutiful wife in the bedroom department for well over a year and it was also this experience which put me right off having any further children.  It took me about 3 years to even consider having another child.

Therefore it goes without saying that every little thing that she does puts me in a very foul mood.  I have always experienced mild panic attacks at the mere thought of her waking up in the morning and every time she opens her mouth I begin to feel agitated, even if it the most meaningless question or a request for me to get something for her.  Even the loveliest things she says finds a difficult route to melt the frostiness in my heart.

I have previously written about the trials she has presented me with at mealtimes and, increasingly the way she speaks to me is that of disrespect.  She makes unreasonable demands on having treats which I do not give in to, and which in turn makes me even more angry with her that she thinks she has a given right to have treats, as if it is as normal and regular as eating for survival.  Sure, you can say that she is simply a child, but I know of other children of a similar who know the full value of money and that it cannot be wasted willy-nilly.

I have always said to my husband that we shouldn't spend so much on her for her birthday and Christmas presents.  There is absolutely no way that she could possibly play with everything.  He ignores everything I say and proceeds to purchase practically everything that she might like anyway.  For every birthday or Christmas she receives about 15 lots of presents just from "us" often valuing at least £100 in total.  That is way too much to spend on a child of any age and yet when I express my concerns of this, all he says that just because I had a grim upbringing with very few presents I am being too tight fisted on our "darling" and that she "deserves" to have many more presents than and just one or two.

Every year and every occasion we have the same conversation and every year I get so fed up with talking to a brick wall that I let him pay for everything he decides to buy and let him make a rod for his own back.  I have just about given up and am tired of repeating myself once too often.

When I calm back down again, I reflect further on her behaviour and thank God that at least she is generally a good girl. She doesn't know of any swear words, which some children of her age are pretty confident in using; nor does she run amok terrorising other children at school or our neighbours.  In public she has a shy disposition and at school she is very well behaved.  Often her teacher would praise her work and the effort she puts into her learning.  She is clever and has many friends at school.

Unfortunately it is only at home that she can be extremely trying and sometimes awful to live with.

Perhaps I should be thankful for this "Jekyll and Hyde" child that I've got ...